“If you like a carousel come over here and if you like an automobile go over there!”

said the facilitator. I was attending a retreat, and our activity was to choose between two random things and explain our decisions. Few of the choices seemed relevant to my personal history. But the word “carousel” stirred up something in my heart, and I happily ran to the “carousel” side.

Merry-go-round—as we call a carousel in Japan—always felt special to me for some reason even though there were not many of them in Japan. After moving to the United States, we enjoyed riding one at a city park and also at the State Fair many times. As much as I loved it, somehow it also made me a little sentimental.

At the retreat, I explained my decision,

“When I was young, I read many English books translated into Japanese and loved those exotic stories. And I remember a carousel mentioned in some of them. For example, in one of the Mary Poppins books, Mary Poppins goes away on a carousel at the end.”

I chose this example because I had also read all Mary Poppins books in English after coming to this country and hoped that some American people would recognize the story. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to remember the poignant episode. As I wrestled with my disappointment about the failed connection, my thoughts drifted to another book.

Later at home, I went to a bookcase to find the book, The Pine Prince and the Silver Birch, by Carol James. I have not opened the book for years but I knew exactly where it was. My heart was thumping, and strong emotions bubbled up inside me when I held the book in my hands.

As I skimmed through the pages I began remembering how much I loved this book. The story is about a pine prince who fell in love with a silver birch that accidentally grew up in the exclusive Pine Kingdom. Accusing her for intrusion and seducing the prince, the King ordered the birch to be felled, and the prince fell beside her with grief. A kind old man carved them into beautiful animals, and they were bought by a circus. Placed on the opposite sides of a merry-go-round they missed each other terribly. Eventually they became together again and lived for a long time until they returned to their birthplace as a puff of smoke.

It is a beautiful book with many illustrations, and I started crying with overwhelming emotions.

I’m not sure if I used to cry reading this book. I’m not sure if I was crying for the troubles the prince and the birch went through. I’m not sure if I was mourning for my lost childhood innocence.

But I now know why the merry-go-round sits in such a special place in my heart.